Tucson painting by Felix Pasilis
"Sensing a new world"
Well the morning is very well advanced for someone used to waking up at first light. It is much brighter and much yellower out there, a much sunnier world. And you can tell from the birds’ activity it is mid-morning for them. It is like walking into a nursery school and the children are having their mid morning milk and cookies, it is mid morning in the bird world too. It is a few weeks before Goldi’s birthday and because she and I are born the same year, altho I was born 2 and a half months before her, I got email from her last week asking “so what is this year like?” meaning this new year in our ages.
But I don’t know anything about Goldi’s life now except for externals. She lives in Inwood, which is very high up in Manhattan. She walks her doggie each morning and evening in Inwood Park, which is a very nice big foresty park. She drives each morning to a county mental hospital upstate where she is a social worker. Her friends are all the people she works with, which is why she has mixed feelings about retiring in two years. She longs for freedom from work but will miss her close friendships, they are her closest friends now. When there is a big protest against the war on the weekend, she takes the subway to downtown and joins the protest, I guess she is still a leftist. She remains very close friends with the father of her daughter, and I would imagine her daughter is still the center of her life. But her daughter has her own life now and has already been married and divorced, even tho I don’t know if she has finished college. I don’t know what State her daughter lives in, possibly Florida, or if not Florida, California. I am sure she still comes home for Christmas. Goldi was single mom her whole daughter’s life. Goldi never married, I mean she did officially, but her daughter’s dad, who remains very close and very involved also with their daughter, was just a very close friend when they decided to have a baby together. And they have remained even closer friends because they are parents of their glorious daughter.
I can see how Goldi’s life has suited her so well. She did get the close intimacy of sharing home with her daughter till she went off to college, and she got to have beautiful relationship all those years. Her work as social worker in mental hospital was absorbing and interesting, and her close friends are all there now. And she is close to her daughter’s father and shares parenthood with him. A big change was Simone leaving home, and of course when Simone married, that came as a shock. Goldi wrote “she is no longer my girl now, she is Miguel’s girl.” Simone’s husband is from Brazil and Goldi went to Brazil for the wedding. But it’s hard for those early marriages when you are only 19 years old to last, and a year later it was over, Simone was in love with someone else. I really don’t know if Goldi felt she got back her girl now that Miguel had lost her. Her emails have no longer been filled with news of Simone. It does seem from her emails that her work is her whole life, seeing patients, being mad at administration for overwhelming her with paperwork. She had not mentioned her close friendships at work till last email when she said “I retire in 2 years, and they are my closest friends, what will I do?”
Of course according to my reckoning, two years from now, when Goldi retires, will be the Mass Awakening, so whole planet will be starting new life, and there won’t be any longer mental patients in mental hospitals, that era on planet will be over. So really all there is, is the present. There is just her life now, our life now, because the change which is coming in two years is too big to be conceived of.
But I am starting to get intimations of what it will be like. I do begin to see why it is described-- the fall in “garden of eden” was a fall from high consciousness to lower one, the whole planet fell, altho not all at once, it spread gradually thru-out the planet, and the Mass Awakening is the return to the higher consciousness we fell from way back in pre-history…
I am beginning to have intimations about what the new consciousness will be like, because I can feel the first subtle changes taking place in my own mind now. It is not that I have entered a new consciousness, I still see and experience the world the same as everyone else does, the old world, the fallen world; the old mind, the fallen mind. But I guess the past 20 years we have spent trying to raise our consciousness has paid off, because it is almost as if there is a garden gate now, and I can see the new consciousness off in yonder field.
We are approaching the threshold to it, where it can be discerned, vaguely in outline, off in the distance. It is starting to become real, that it is, and is there, and is not so far away. And some sense of what it is, is starting to dawn. I guess it is like a ship approaching land. Land ho! someone is calling out. And everyone is on deck eagerly awaiting first glimpse of new world. Two years away is close enough for shape and outline to take place. Yes it’s possible some are still napping on their hammock, while others are on deck straining their eyes for first glimpse. But willy-nilly, the whole ship is arriving and will be arriving very soon. And everyone will disembark to the new world.
And it may be I am one straining her eyes to see, while Goldi naps lightly in her hammock and dreams she will drive to mental hospital and have lunch with her wonderful friends when she no longer works there. In her nap dream mental hospital and mental patients and her friends all working there, goes on in perpetuity. She thinks the only change is Goldi will have retired and no longer be going to work. But there will be a lot more change than that. Yes Goldi will be free from work, but mental hospital activities will no longer exists. In a true sense the mental hospital will have retired not Goldi.
But it is interesting that Goldi sees her present life ending and new one starting two years from now, which is just about when it will happen for everyone. She is contemplating her new life now. Which shows how the rhythm of the world works for everyone. Each may have their reason for contemplating new life in two years. And I may be picturing it one way and Goldi another. But there you have two girls leading opposite lives on opposite sides of country, both lying awake at night thinking “absolutely new life, filled with unknowns, starts in two years.” And it may very well be that many many, for one reason or another, have in their mind “the advent of new life starts shortly, just a year or two or 3 down the line.”
I don’t picture change in physical circumstances, but I do picture having a different consciousness. Others like Goldi must just picture total change in circumstances and life, how they spend their days. Or there may be some picturing some of both, a move to new location in the countryside plus a move to new consciousness in their mind.
As for me, what is dawning now, is an understanding of what all these promises have been about-- promises made to New Agers who tune into all the New Age sites on the internet, or took all the New Age books out of library or bought them all in bookstores. It is as if a picture is being filled in, or it is starting to make sense to me now. I begin to see how it will happen in reality. All it is, is a new understanding. But what a huge thing a new understanding is! I say this as someone who is getting her first glimpse of the new understanding, just in outline and shape. I have not arrived at it yet. All that has happened is it is no longer pure abstraction. I can see how it can be real. In that sense two realms are coming closer together. One can see from one realm out to the other, and it is clear the other is destination. And that is as far as I have gotten.
In imagery, I guess you could say for me, a teeniest tiniest corner of the blindfold has been lifted. I can see there is light from that one teeny tiny corner. Or another way to say it, is the black black blindfold is not so black black anymore. I can make out a world out there. Even if I can’t see it, I can sense that it is there.
you can see her loveliness sweetness and intelligence in it, and how interesting alive and intelligent he is
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