Intensity

new bird discovered in South America

February 1. 2008, early morning 7:42 am

communicated by my Higher Self

"A new hope is born"

It's a fresh new day, and the first day in February, the first day of the second month of the new year. And it's going to be a beautiful day. It is very early but you can see it is going to be flawless blue sky, with brilliant Sun. Hooray! Hooray! And Annie is starting to relax again, hooray! hooray! Yes there were two days of intensity but now it's over.

It began day before yesterday, when to her surprise, she required so much courage to get out of bed and face the day. She had no idea why. Then all day was awful weather. Cloudy cold damp in morning, then Sun in and out, but with ferocious winds in all directions. When she got to swim pool, Samantha, head lifeguard, was dressed in so much warm clothes she looked like a polar bear. But water was deliciously warm. Even on the day of big intensity she got that huge huge huge treat.

She had tried to write when she first woke up, I had suggested it was time to go back to her writing, but her mind was way too intense to write, it didn't take off at all. Then she tried to blog with me, but again the intensity was too intense. Somehow she found enough distractions to get thru the morning till they left for the pool. Then she had her huge treat. But instantly she got home the intensity intensified, as did the weather. She could not find one single thing to do on the computer, so she came in to watch tv. But there was nothing on she wanted to watch. She was just trapped in her too intense mind.

Then finally around 7:30 she returned to her desk. And there was a phone message and when she clicked it on, it was from Bill's friend Jim, he said his mom went to Heaven that morning.

In some way, Annie felt all the intensity of the day was leading to this. She called Jim back, but didn't know what to say. He has no idea everyone lives forever, and his mom is joyous and happy in Heaven, he thinks his mother is dead.

Jim's mother was bedridden, blind, and very aged. Jim's whole life was taking care of her. Now he's free. But of course it broke his heart, how could it not. It just seemed so dark to Annie, that Jim is alone at home now, waiting for the mortuary truck to arrive momentarily. "Do you want me to send Bill over?" she asked, “you shouldn't be alone" she said. “I’m fine” he said, “my cousin is arriving.”

And Annie remembered that if Jim grew up in Tucson he does have family all over the town that he has never mentioned. She knows Jim and his sister are not speaking, but it is his sister's son who arrived each morning to help Jim get his mom out of bed, and to give her her breakfast and to give her her bath. Which is what had happened that morning. She had eaten her breakfast with no fuss, usually she refuses to eat and there is a fight. But she ate her nice breakfast with no fuss, she had her nice bath, and she closed her eyes and went right to Heaven. She had had no life at all for as long as Annie has known Jim, and of course now in Heaven she is having a great life. But Jim doesn't know this. "It hurts" Annie said. "Yes it hurts" Jim said.

All Annie could really do was give Jim all her love which she did. She gave him as much love on that phone as she possibly could. And it's possible the love reached Jim because he did make one tiny joke. But then he said "it really screwed the pooch." Apparently the house, the nice Tucson house, is the one where Jim and his sister grew up, it was his inheritance. But when Jim needed cash, he sold the house to his friend in Phoenix with an arrangement Jim and his mom would live there as long as she was alive. Not only that, the money to fund the household was coming from the social security check to her which arrived every month. A very nice check because Jim's dad, who went to Heaven so long ago, had worked so long and hard and been a good earner. So Jim is flummoxed about where he will live and where he will get money.

Oddly enough altho Annie did not know the answers to those questions, she did know that Heaven would provide, that somehow it would work out for Jim. But she was swept up in the darkness of the moment. Usually at this time 7:30 at night, Jim had already given his mom her supper and put her to bed, and Jim is happily watching all his favorite shows. Instead his whole life is turned upside down.

She got back into bed and I was able to pull her out of that darkness, of her mind being over at Jim's house and what he must be going thru. I promised her every which way I would take perfect care of Jim, which I will. And finally she believed me. But then with almost no transition at all, her mind went to her own worst suffering, the times of her own worst suffering. She had a very rough bout less than a year ago. It was Jim who saved her at the end, which is why her love for him has no beginning and no end.

Ordinarily when her mind returned to that time of such great suffering, it sheers off it instantly. She is scared to death to return there. No one knows why she went right into the middle of it this time. She went straight into the middle of it, and felt the whole thing, all its awfulness. She was drowning in it. And then I said to her "but it's not what is happening now." I kept repeating that to her. "But it's not what is happening now, but it's not what is happening now."

And then a true miracle for Annie happened. She heard me and actually realized it. She was able to move her mind to what was happening at this minute, and at this minute all was fine. She simply walked right out of that abyss of hell-fire, and was where she is now, all is fine. She walked away from it, it had no power over her. She could walk away, and she did. It was the first time in her whole life she understood what the now meant. That she was able to place the now and the past together in her mind, realize she was in the now and move over to the now. She gave power to the now, and removed power from the past. And then she fell peacefully asleep.

Yes yesterday had some heaviness to it. Again she had to summon up courage to face the day, but it wasn't as much courage. Most of the oppression had lifted, the long oppressed day of the day before. There was no stormy weather yesterday, it was blue sky and sunshine. She sunbathed in the sweet warmth of it and fell asleep. And when she went in for tv watching and there was nothing on, this time she was able to curl up in my arms and relax herself.

And this morning did not require courage to face the day. She didn't jump for joy about a new day, but she thought "I will read my new Heaven Letter for the new day, and that will be nice."

And it was nice. God said in just a few years more happiness is coming to this planet than anyone could ever imagine, you have so much to look forward to, and the miracles are starting right now....

email from Jan in response

Hi Anne,

Interesting that a couple of weeks ago I also went through something similar. I didn't revisit the worst things that happened in my life, but I revisited those moments that I made a fool of myself or said something that I wished I hadn't. I was so swept into these moments living them over and over and could not get rid of them. It went on for several days. It felt like a cleansing of sorts. I don't remember what got me out of those thoughts, but today I can't even remember what past events I had visited so intensely. I had forgotten about this until you mentioned your experiences of revisiting the worst moments of your life.

Love, Jan