he is at higher elevation, so he got snow when we got the freezing relentless rain
"You can't see the full extent of the fall in this picture due to terrain at the bottom. It's almost a 400 foot drop. Spectacular but it only runs for three or four days in any year. I can't quite see it from the front door, but this photo was taken after walking 200 yards west."
2/20/08 Wednesday 8:20 am
Communicated by my Higher Self
"A Rough Morning"
Her morning was so nerve wracking yesterday. She decided to face opening her February bills. But before she could even face that, she had to face finding out how much money she has left in the bank account. The bank account turned out not to be as dire as she dreaded. She would be able to pay most of her bills and have a few hundred left over. She was giddy with relief. There had been so much tension. She wrote out her checks with huge relief. And on the tide of that relief, she decided to go to her mailbox and deal with the other things she knew were in there, but had shoved back in, because she didn't want to face it. And right on top, it had arrived in the last mail drop and she had not known it, there was a huge envelope from the justice court, telling her the judge assigned to her case (a collections agency is suing her) and what her next step is now.
She had walked out of the house with such a spring in her step. "I paid all the bills" she said to Bill triumphantly. She was so overjoyed. She had dealt with it, and it had not been tragic at all, she had been saved. He was happy. And she did not have the heart to tell him now about correspondence from the court. She could not bear it that he would go into all that emotion again. She thought: this time I will keep the emotion to myself. It was too much the contagion of his fears and anxieties setting her off every 15 minutes. It's better to deal with the rhythm of her own, they rise and fall, it could be every 15 minutes too, but she wanted to feel safe that during the moment she has peace and is not thinking about it, he won't come in with all of his, and set her off.
She opened up the envelope from court in the backyard, took one glance at it, and decided to put it aside for two days. It had been too stressful dealing with the bills. She decided to give herself two days rest and then deal with the court and the form enclosed.
The combination of the new tension added to the previous one was hard. She had just started to relax and it had come as a shock, and it was a biggie. You could say it crashed her mind, the way a computer crashes. She wanted to take her bills to the post office and have them post marked, since it turned out yesterday was the day they had to arrive to avoid late fees, and she thought maybe she could get away with it if it was post marked. Bill thought if they were going to post office, he would like to mail the calendar he bought for his cousin Gloria in Baltimore, plus send her thank you card for the St, Christopher medal she sent him for Christmas. He was in front yard with doggies drawing. Those secretarial chores are usually easy for her. To find an assortment of thank you cards, so Bill could choose one he likes. Find cousin Gloria's address in Baltimore. Find stamps, etc. But with her crashed mind, it was just a miracle, that in all the clutter all over, she was able to put her hands on the things she needed right away.
She was starving and Bill was kind enough to say he would take her to Los Betos for breakfast burrito. And she said "they have tables outside, you can write out your thank you card there."
So she ate her breakfast burrito, while he decided what to write in his card. They were in two different universes. He was happy bills were paid, and the only chore was writing to cousin Gloria. Her mind had just crashed from court communication. But his happiness was so precious to her. It was a lifeline. She knew if he crashed too, it would finish her off.
He did a beautiful job with his letter to Gloria on the card. And a beautiful job of putting the calendar in the pretty package they bought to go with it, and writing her address on it. He is so unaccustomed to doing things like that, that usually they make him tremendously nervous. But this time he did it with joy. That really helped her. Then they went swimming and that helped her too. Pools had been closed the day before because of holiday, she was able to release some of her tensions.
Then they went to mini post office. He stayed in the truck and she got on line. Steve was there, a wonderful mailman. And he did great job helping her send off calendar to Gloria, plus stamping all her bills, and selling her stamps and popcorn. That was the big joy in her morning, she loves Steve.
Then they went to Sunflower market because doggies can't stand dog food and she wanted to find something to cook for them. And she bought a small roasty chicken too. Bill was an angel to bring all the food into house, put it all away, and serve the doggies roasted chicken, first taking out all the bones.
"We accomplished so much today" Bill chirruped, "we got the bills paid, we got Gloria's calendar sent to her, we got to swim and we marketed too." He was very happy. And she said "do you mind if I just crash in front of the tv" and he said "fine." And he made nice bowls of roasty chicken for the dogs. And she said "I will cook up the food I bought them tomorrow." And the plateau of Bill's happiness was very strong, and she needed that for her security. And she went in for hours of tv watching and flitted back and forth in her mind about the court case, but by and large the foundation of her happiness held.
She didn't wake up the happiest girl in the world. An oppression hung over her mind, like the damp wet cold clouds hanging over Tucson this morning. But the Tucson sun is strong, it could clear up some of those clouds or prevail against them. And who knows, right now her mind cannot imagine any source of joy today. But she has to realize when she wakes up, and sees she has no enthusiasm about the day, that this is just a mood. Because the truth is, she has no idea what a day will bring her. It is all an unknown and an adventure.
And as for the court case she just has to roll with the punches. She is not the only one facing hard things right now. And truth to tell, it is no big deal. What I mean is hard things are just hard things, neither more nor less. You straighten your back, you summon up strength, and deal with whatever has to be dealt with. It is not the end of the world, just a hard thing, period...
All my love to all of you, Annie's Higher Self
No comments:
Post a Comment