my friend posted this photo, I love it
Blue skies from now on
Saturday, June 7, 5:44 am 2008
It is a beautiful early morning. Sun has not reached my yard yet, but is kissing the tops of trees to the west. It must be just peeping over the mountains to the east. Yesterday was flawless blue sky and it looks like today will be too. Good! TV is proclaiming stratospheric heat returns today. We had lovely reprieve yesterday and day before, it only went up to high nineties, was actually perfect. We’ll see, TV isn’t always right. Maybe it will only go up to 99 which is bearable.
I woke up this morning annoyed abut my pimple, which is maybe a good sign. If I am bothered about my pimple does it mean, what has weighed on my heart, has lifted? I pray so. I would love to be heart free, heart carefree, again. It seems like dream come true. It is all I ask. To have heart like happy birdie again, chirping, and playing and flying and whistling, hopping from branch to branch just for the joy of it. We'll see. I have been involved in a big enterprise, which isn’t exactly a change of heart, but a big change of mind. And my heart has been the motor behind it all. It’s been a huge locomotive carrying a huge train behind it all across the country. I don’t mind. Sometimes earthshaking changes are called for, and this is one of those times. But it will be nice to have mission accomplished, and let the little choo-choo of my heart, go off the track and play in the meadow with the daisies and bluebells, and the robins and the blue birds. Let it be draped with daisy chains again. That is really all hearts like to do, be happy in a meadow. I don’t think they are meant to be powerful locomotives. They like to sing and play, and not be going anywhere, just existing for the joy of it.
It is very interesting. When I first fell asleep last night, I had 14 dreams in a row of total frustration. I never had frustration dreams before. LOL every detail, every experience down to the smallest detail was frustration. Even when I tried to sign my name, the pen wouldn’t write, the ink wouldn’t come out, it was ball point pen and wouldn’t work. So I picked up red pen and same thing happened there. I woke up a little alarmed. And then I thought “well these dreams all involve politics in some way, maybe I am just experiencing frustration over politics.” But that isn’t quite true, because the first of the dreams involved me trying to heal my friend Lydia. She couldn’t make up her mind if she wanted me to do the healing, or I couldn’t figure out if she did?
So all I can hope is that the dreams were a way of eliminating a lot of frustration in my mind. I hope I got rid of it by having all those dreams in a row. What a burden on the mind to carry around all this frustration.
And it may be that some of the burdens on my mind have lessened, that my mind is lighter. Because yesterday after swim pool, we stopped at Sunflower Market where I did huge grocery shopping. Seems to me in the past, after huge grocery shopping-- so much is involved, so many decisions, and so many conflicts on way home, “did I buy the right stuff! did I buy too much! did I make mistakes!” and then the project of putting it all away-- It just seems to me that in the past, after huge grocery shopping I was completely nuts. And had to lie down and drink coca-cola and smoke cigarettes in front of tv, to get back my peace and my energy. And this time my grocery bill was substantially higher than it had ever been in past! and I bought way more! but the whole thing, from start to finish, happened and I did not turn myself into a nervous wreck, anywhere along the line. I did not beat myself up in the car on way home for what I bought. I did not have stress putting it all away. It all happened without stress. I was cool as a cucumber all thru it from start to finish. I never lost my mind. My first major grocery shopping without losing my mind!
It sure was nice that it all went off effortless from start to finish. I did not have to recover from the whole experience, because I didn’t lose it in the process. It was nice holding on to my mind all thru it. Of course I have not been engaged in this monumental mental labor for past month in order to have easy grocery shopping. I didn’t even think it was possible to have easy grocery shopping, I thought that is how it is. But my mind must be more peaceful if I had easy grocery shopping. Which is odd because yesterday was such an intense day, so unbelievably intense! I had so many emotions as I was just swimming along in my lane, I became so desperate. In fact I ended my swim early, I thought “am I having nervous breakdown?” I ended my swim early and thought “OK time to face grocery shopping.” I wasn’t looking forward to it. I thought it would be hard on many levels, and instead it was a piece of cake.
I remember on the way to the pool how insecure I felt. I kept thinking about my grandmother, I just wanted to bury my head in her lap, and have her make me feel secure. All I wanted in the whole world was to feel secure again. But that day of high intensity has come and gone. All those emotions. And I did have easy grocery shopping to top it off. Blue skies from now on is the theme of Gloria’s Letter from God this morning, and it is a nice thought to hold in my mind, blue skies from now on. It would be nice to live in that peaceful happy world of blue skies from now on. I would love that.....
(I grocery shop in Sunflower, while Danny rides to top of mountain)
Obscure trails...
A graceful bridge on Drake View...
The top of Mt Vision
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