Rusty sent me this email along with his photos he took of the wildflowers
Hi Anne, I thought you and Billy would like these since they're all wild desert flora.
The flowers themselves are all smaller than or about the same size as your fingernail.
The colors in the mauve flower are amazing to me.
All the best,
Rusty
I think I know the flower Rusty photo-ed. One bloomed in my own backyard yesterday. I was so excited to see it. It is so lovely in real life. but very very tiny. All you see is a pale mauve. I didn't know it had all these other colors. Rusty's photos are breathtaking
Update to story today April 19, 2010
I wrote this story two years ago. So it is about my life then. I wrote it in the morning, that evening was the first meeting of my Ron Paul Liberty Caucus at Cody's Steak House, I was giggling because the email inviting me said "turn in your gun when you enter the restaurant."
The story tells why I wasn't going to the meeting, Bill was going to the movies with Alice and I didn't want to leave my dog Beanie at home alone.
When Bill got home from the movies he told me about the wonderful basset hound in the movie he saw. it made him so happy.
It was a month after our lovely Lulu had gone to Heaven.
So I wrote in next morning's epilogue I wished I had seen the movie, so I could have joy at seeing a basset hound again, instead of wincing about Lulu
It took a little while for my wish to come true. But it has
one of the pet food commercials on tv now has a basset who looks identical to Lulu, it is Lulu, she is my wonderful Lulu.
It is my favorite thing on all of tv when that commercial comes on, and I watch Lulu follow the man into the house for her food, and be so happy eating her food.
It is the triumph of love.
Just as our desert sun comes out and evaporates all the raindrops, my tremendous love for Lulu has evaporated the tears in my heart, now is all just joyous love.
It is nice to get beautiful mauve wildflowers on email from Rusty the same day I am celebrating my joyous love for Lulu
So here is the story I wrote 2 years ago, it's crazy but ...
Tuesday, July 29, 2008 7:20 am
Annie Get Your Gun
Well this evening, at 6 pm at Cody’s Steak House, is our first meeting of the Liberty Caucus. This means all the Ron Paul PCs plus all the other Ron Paul people, to have our first strategy session. Our goal is liberty and peace. This meeting was planned a month ago and I have been planning all month to go to it. But yesterday evening I realized I can’t go. LOL there is a scheduling conflict.
Bill has been going to movies all year at the dollar theater. And at first, when he loved a movie and wanted to share it with me so he could have someone to talk about it with, I would go with him. He would see it for a second time and take me. And I actually broke out of my routine and went to 4 movies with him that first month. Two of which I loved, one was pleasant but forgettable, and one I found peculiar. And then I never went back to the movies with him.
So when he saw a great movie he thought Jim would love he tried to take Jim to the movies with him.
Jim is Bill’s friend and my angel. During the era of my big emergencies (thank God that era is over!) when my big emergencies came it was Jim who saved me. And he does it with no fanfare. In such a relaxed casual way. He takes it in stride and does it with such grace and so perfectly. And for me they were major emergencies. It’s as if my house were on fire and I called Jim up and said “Jim my house is on fire can you come over and put it out.”
And he says “I’ll be right over, and Anne do you have any maple syrup, I made pancakes for my mom and I am out of maple syrup.”
“Yes” I say “I have delicious maple syrup, I bought it a Trader Joes, it is real maple syrup.”
So then Jim arrives instantly, casually dispatches the fire in 5 minutes, my wonderful angel. Completely unfazed about the nature of my emergency. Takes it all in stride, treats it as perfectly natural.
And then when I am collapsed in relief, wanting to kiss his toes, he has saved me-- as he is getting into his car to go home he reminds me about the maple syrup. I go to the cupboard to hand it to him.
“I will return it in 15 minutes” he tells me.
“Forget about it!” I say. “Keep it! Look what you just did for me, you saved me!” And Jim acts like I have done him the favor, he is so appreciative about the maple syrup. He’s a great friend. I am lucky to have him.
But ever since his mom went to Heaven last year— Jim had been taking care of her, she couldn’t get out of bed, he did everything for her, bathed her, did her hair, cooked delicious food for her—
Jim’s whole life now is the trauma and drama of his car breaking down. For the past months it has broken down in traffic 3 times a week, we received so many SOS calls.
“Can Bill come and pick me up, I am stranded and in midtown traffic. And I’m not going to wait around in this heat for tow truck to come for my car and take it to the garage, the tow truck can find it by itself.”
And then of course Bill had to take Jim to his bank when his car was at the shop. Jim has a credit card with bank that you pay no interest if you pay it by the deadline, but if it is one day late, it is 30 per cent interest. So naturally Jim wanted Bill to take him to the bank before it closed that last day.
I don’t know why Jim’s life has this constant non-stop drama. Even when he finally rented a car (he couldn’t bear it all that time stranded at home) his cigar ash made a hole in the upholstery. And he called Bill to pick him up at the car upholsters shop on 22nd Street, so they could fix it before he turned in the rental car, else Jim would pay a fortune.
For the first time Jim has free time, before that he could not leave his mom at home alone. So when Bill calls up and invites him to the movies, Jim says yes. But he doesn’t take into account how chaotic his life is now.
When evening comes he just wants to plotz on the sofa in front of the tv, smoke his cigars, hang out with his cat, and watch his favorite shows. He completely forgets he told Bill he would go to the movies with him on Tuesday night.
So for a whole year, week after week, Jim would say yes, he will go to movie with Bill on Tuesday when it is a dollar. And it has been a whole year of Bill looking forward to sharing a favorite movie with Jim. Bill is excited about it and plans about it all week, saying how much Jim will love the movie and the parts Jim will like best, and why it is Jim’s type of movie.
But when I call up the evening before, Jim has forgotten all about the movie date and always has a reason why he can't go. I understand so I always made it easy for him to say no.
But last evening when Jim called, I slipped up.
It was because 3 things were happening at once. Jim said “are you going to your Ron Paul meeting at Cody’s Steak House tomorrow?”
I said “Jim, I don’t know what to do. Bill has been trying to get someone to go to the movies with him for a year. I won’t go, I like to stay home and watch TV. You don’t like to go to the movies. And Bill has a date to see a movie with Alice tomorrow.”
Jim instantly said “I love going to the movies.”
I said “O, are you going to see Iron Man with Bill tomorrow?”
Jim had told Bill he wanted to see Iron Man with him on Tuesday. So the plan had been Bill and Jim would see Iron Man at 3 pm. Then he would meet Alice in the lobby right afterward and treat her to The Fall, the art movie Bill saw few nights ago which he loved loved loved.
Jim had already completely forgotten he had said he’d see Iron Man with Bill.
I was so focused on “how can I go to the meeting at Cody’s,” and my huge joy that Alice was actually going to movie with Bill, he was so thrilled about it— that when I remembered about Bill and Jim seeing Iron Man together first, I said “O Jim are you going to Iron Man with him?”
He said “I can’t afford it.”
In the past whatever reason Jim gave, I knew it was cause he didn’t want to go. But I wasn’t thinking clearly.
I said “it is just a dollar and Bill will treat you.”
So Jim had to think of another reason. “But I will want popcorn and the popcorn is expensive.”
By then it clicked into place that Jim just didn’t want to go. Which was fine. Alice had already emailed that it was very sweet of Bill to offer to take her to the movies and she will meet him at 4:45 in the lobby.
Bill was excited out of his mind. He kept saying to me, “it is an art film, and it is far more interesting than Iron Man anyway. And Alice will love it, she is an artist. And she does film for Access TV Tucson, it is right up her alley.”
I was so happy Bill was happy. It had been a year of frustration, trying to find someone to go to the movies with him. He was so cute about it.
“I am going out on a date” he said when I told him Alice emailed back yes she will go.
“I am going out on a date with a girl” he said.
“I have a date with a girlfriend.”
Then because he remembered he was talking to his wife, he said “I have a date with a friend.”
And Alice was actually touched Bill had invited her.
So you can see why when I remembered 10 minutes before Jim called last evening, that it was the same night and the same time as my Liberty Ron Paul meeting at Cody’s restaurant, I knew I would give up my meeting.
Because neither Bill nor I would want to leave Beanie alone for 4 hours in the evening. It is still too soon after Lulu went to Heaven. Beanie is not used to being all alone in the house. It is OK when Bill and I go swimming and shopping in the morning, since Beanie is up all night, that is when he goes under Bill’s bed and has his real sleep.
But I’m not ready yet to leave him alone in the house for a whole evening, when he is so wide awake, and he is used to watching Beverly Hillbillies with me or Andy Griffith, or lying on my toes while I am at the computer.
He is used to being doted on, and having love and companionship. If I went to the meeting by myself and Bill was home, he would just hang out with Bill, sit next to him while Bill did his Sumi drawings at the art table, go in with him while Bill watched a game on TV.
But it will be dark outside. There could be thunder, we are in monsoon season, or fireworks. Both of which scare Beanie, and both of which we get every evening.
Having his big sister Lulu gave him total security, plus companionship. I don’t know how Beanie feels about not having Lulu. And Bill and I never talk about our feelings about it either. I try not to think about it because each time I remember her last days, a big welling hurt arises up from my heart and takes over my mind.
There’s nothing I can do but instantly snuggle into the warm heart of my Higher Self, and allow Her to envelop me with love, and switch my mind to treats, “would I like a soda? would I like a chocolate bar?”
It doesn’t do me any good to dwell on my feelings. I can only hope time will work its magic, all wounds heal with time.
And I secretly wonder now if all our doting on Beanie now, both Bill and me doting on him, is one of the ways we are healing ourselves about Lulu. There is something about giving love which is very healing.
It does seem the more love we give Beanie, and we have been giving him constant undivided love, that in fact Bill and I have been very happy during this month after losing Lulu. We have both managed to stay high and happy.
Altho I bet Bill too has that same stabbing hurt I do when he remembers, and like me, tries to work himself out of it as fast as he can. I don’t know? We don’t confide this at all to each other. Amazingly and miraculously, all we are bringing to each other is our happiness, and of course our shared love for Beanie.
We never mention Lulu’s name yet. No matter what topic we talk about, somehow it begins and ends with Beanie, Beanie always gets in there. It helps our heart, expressing our shared love for Beanie.
So you can see why, when I realized 10 minutes before Jim called last evening, that the meeting was same time Bill and Alice are going to the movies, I knew I wouldn’t go to the meeting. I wouldn’t leave Beanie alone for 4 hours. I wasn’t 100 percent decided when Jim called, I might have still been trying to strategize in my mind how to work it out.
Jim is very serious about me showing up at all the Ron Paul meetings, because I became a PC (Precinct Committeeman) because of him. He changed his voter registration so he could sign my petition to run for PC, and vote for me. And he helped me get the signatures. And when I was thinking of not showing up that Saturday morning for first meeting of PCs in my District, Jim said “you have to go, that is why we elected you into Office.”
Jim doesn’t fully understand that only people in my District will have my name on the ballot in the Primary on September 2nd. And he has been campaigning for me at the Racquet Club, telling everyone to vote for me. He calls me up with glee and says “Sally says she will vote for you,” and wants to hear what I am doing about my campaign.
We had had a long talk on phone when I first got the notice about the strategy meeting at Cody’s Steak House on July 29th.
Jim said “I know Cody’s, it’s by the Club, on the other side of Country Club Road on Fort Lowell Drive.”
I said “The email notice says because Cody serves alcohol, I will not be able to bring my gun into the restaurant.”
I found this such a riot. That the email notice which went out to all the Ron Paul people warned us we will have to hand in our guns before we enter the restaurant.
“LOL” I said, “I don’t have a gun, I have never even seen a gun. I have never even handled a gun. It would be such a trip for me to hand in my gun before I can set foot in the restaurant.”
“You can borrow mine,” Jim said helpfully.
“Well, maybe” I said. “I guess it would be an experience for me to hand in my gun.”
He said “But it is fully loaded and on fast action trigger. Be very careful. If you so much as breathe on it, it will go off.”
I said “I’m not borrowing your gun. It’s not worth it. I don’t want to accidentally shoot it just cause I handle it wrong.”
“I’ll drive you to the meeting” Jim said. “I’ll just go to the Club for swim and steam bath, since it is around the corner.”
“I’ll only stay for an hour, you can take me home then.”
“No!” he said, “we did all this to get you elected, you have to stay for the whole meeting, it is an important meeting.”
“OK” I said, “then I’ll call Bill and have him take me home.”
So these were the plans Jim and I made on the phone 3 weeks ago about the meeting. Bill didn’t even know about the meeting. I don’t think Bill is vitally interested in me being part of the Ron Paul Liberty Caucus in Tucson and PC in my district. But Jim is.
In fact Jim still thinks we will succeed in getting Ron Paul on the ballot for President. “I won‘t vote at all” he told me “unless you succeed in getting Ron Paul on the ballot.”
Ron Paul actually withdrew few weeks ago, but I don’t have the heart to tell Jim, since he thinks that is one of the things I will accomplish, making Ron Paul our President.
And I certainly can understand why Jim is so gung-ho and determined that I show up at every possible meeting. He thinks it is all about making Ron Paul our President, and I would be too if it was about that.
But Ron Paul is no longer a candidate, altho I didn’t have the heart to tell Jim that. It was too dear to me to see that hope alive in Jim’s mind, it meant too much to me. There was a time when I believed heart and soul Ron Paul would be our President. And I still remember how glorious that was for me, to live in that hope and expectation. If Jim still has it, I won’t dash it.
So you can understand how peculiar my phone call with Jim was last evening. He called because his friend had given him a whole bunch of Mexican shrimp cocktail and he was offering some to me and Bill, he said it is too much for him to eat. It is Jim’s favorite food in the whole world, he used to drive to Mexico to order it. It is very inexpensive in the restaurant down there and they give you a lot.
I was very grateful Jim wanted to share some with us, and said he would bring it over tomorrow morning. “It sounds delicious, Jim” I said, “thank you.”
From that we got into the movies.
I said “Bill and Alice are going to the movies together tomorrow. It is an art film. Bill is so happy.”
“I know” Jim said, “Alice told me at the club.”
“I’m not going” I said, “I don’t like going to the movies.”
“Alice thinks you are going to the movie too, she thinks it is Bill and you and her.”
I had no idea Alice thought I was going. In my email to Alice I said “Bill invited both of us, but I like to watch movies on tv at home with Beanie, and does Alice want to go.”
I said to Jim, “I had completely forgotten that tomorrow night is the night of the meeting at Cody’s Steak House at 6 pm. But I don’t know what to do. I don’t want to leave the dog alone.”
“That’s OK dogs don’t mind being left alone, I'll drive you to the meeting.”
“OK” I said, “then I’ll call Bill and he can pick me up.”
And then we went back to talking about the shrimp cocktail and how Jim will bring it over this morning. And I thought what a great gift that is! And I thanked Jim for it with all my heart.
I wanted to tell Bill that Jim is not going to see Iron Man with him so he shouldn’t plan on that, and also about the shrimp cocktail, but he was outside reading. It had finally turned cool enough to be outside.
And then I took Beanie in for Beverly Hillbillies. But first I asked my Higher Self what I should do about tomorrow.
And She said “You can’t go to the meeting, Bill will not want Beanie left alone for 4 hours at night, and I don’t want him to give up the movie with Alice, his happiness matters. This is just the first strategy meeting, there will be many more. It is OK to miss the first meeting, you can go to all the others. Just make sure next time you keep in mind what day it is, so you don’t make this mistake again.”
That conversation was helpful. Because before it I kept trying to figure out ways to work it out. How the movie date could happen, I could go to meeting, and cut down on time Beanie will be left alone. But it was so crystal clear what my Higher Self said: “No meeting! there will be many more! you stay home with Beanie!”
So when Bill came inside I told him all of it. “Jim won’t go to Iron Man, he says the popcorn is too expensive, and tomorrow is my meeting but I’m not going, I don’t want to leave Beanie alone, I will go to all the other meetings. And Jim is bringing us delicious Mexican shrimp cocktail. His friend gave it to him and there is too much.”
So Bill said “Fine!” He was happy about everything.
He said “if Jim doesn’t want to go to Iron Man then I will go to Kit Kittredge, An American Girl before I meet Alice for the art movie. I never saw that movie, so I will get to see a movie I never saw, which will be fun for me. I just hope it doesn’t make me sad. ”
So that is all our plans for today. And why I won’t have to turn in my gun at the meeting of the Ron Paul Liberty Caucus first strategy session at Cody’s Steak House on Fort Lowell and Country Club road this evening at 6 pm.
Epilogue, the next day
Bill said Alice loved the movie. It was filmed all over the world, and Alice had lived in all those places. Part was filmed in Turkey and Alice had lived in Turkey.
And Bill loved Kit Kittredge, An American Girl. And it sounds like a movie I would love too. A girl living in Cincinnati during the Depression, and she wants to be a reporter.
There is a big fat basset hound with a sign in front of her, “I am hungry. Please adopt me. My family can’t afford to feed me anymore. I need a home.”
And it is the fattest basset hound in world, she looks like she never missed a meal, like she has 10 meals a day.
And Kit adopts her. In fact movie ends, the happy ending, the last frame is Kit with her wonderful (fat) basset hound.
Now I understand why Bill was afraid to see the movie, afraid it would make him sad. Our Lulu is basset hound. We can’t even think about basset hounds now without stab of hurt.
But I guess the basset hound in this movie did a miracle for Bill. Each time we would think “what would be the best second dog for Beanie?” my Higher Self would suggest another basset. I was willing to overcome my feelings, because I simply do whatever my Higher Self said.
But I sure understood it when Bill said “no.”
“Because of Lulu?” I whispered.
“Yes” he said.
But after this movie he came home and said, “the perfect dog for Beanie is a basset hound. I watched her fat happy face all thru the movie. A basset is so gentle and docile, she won’t care that Beanie bosses her around. She will just be so happy to be fed all her treats.”
Maybe I should go see this movie too. It would help me also to be able to see a basset hound without wincing. To just be happy loving the wonderful basset. To remember the sublime joy bassets bring.
LOL Bill said ‘Kit Kittredge’ is a children’s movie, he sat in a movie theater filled with parents taking their children to it. I guess Kit is a young girl, still living with her family.
LOL breaking news update 8 PM evening April 19 2010 Jim just called. Tomorrow is Tuesday. He is going to see "Wolfman" with Bill tomorrowl. The era of miracles has started!
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