The Limit

from Margot's blog
"This is pic of our painting spot, that's Gale painting there.
Really needed the umbrella since the sun was in front of us."

(the discomfort from my ascension booboo came back last night, and I flipped, I couldn't stand it another second, this is the story of what happened after I flipped lol)

10/10/07 Wednesday
Communicated from my Higher Self
“It’s over (the limit was reached)”

She had a bad reaction to the discomfort last night. She had reached her limit. It is an interesting process reaching your limit. It’s not the same thing as thinking you have reached your limit or pretending you have reached your limit, which is what happened last week. This time she did reach her limit. For one thing her mind shut down, the way the switch box shuts off when there is too much current running thru it. It’s a protective device in the mind. When something has reached the point past toleration, it shuts off. The purpose of this is to add no more mental energy to what is going on. Whatever it is it has to be isolated, you won’t fan the fires of it in anyway anymore. All of this is automatic, she was just a witness to the whole process taking place.

I don’t think she was aware of how much her mind had shut off till she nodded off during supper. Annie eats all day long, or whenever she is hungry, so supper means Bill has finished listening to the games outside, and has come in to prepare his dinner. And when he serves his dinner, he invites Annie to come in and partake or keep company whichever she wishes. On happier days she shares some of his food, snacks on it, and they have convivial conversation. Now all she hoped was that somehow she could hold her end up.

She doesn’t want Bill to know anything about the discomfort she is going thru, because she doesn’t want him to worry or be upset. He knows a little, that she has some little booboo, he knows enough so that he can explain to himself why "Annie is acting weird,” but not enough for him to think anything is out of order. He helped her find the Ibuprofen, and bought ginger ale in the market. “Maybe the ginger ale will help your thing” he said.

During supper she tried to keep her focus on Bill, and away from her own mind which was feeling desperate. In some ways she had never given him the same complete concentration before. Because listening to him was a lifeline from what was going on in her mind. As long as she focused on him and what he was saying, she could be in a happier place.

He told her all about the Harry Potter movie he had seen in the afternoon, it was his first Harry Potter movie. “It was weird” he said, “it is all witchcraft.” She tried to figure out if he liked it, and decided he did, when he said he would see it again because the images were so interesting.

After the movie he switched to sports, and said “it is so unfair.” He said “all the action in baseball is now Cleveland and Colorado Rockies and Diamondbacks, those who are in the play-offs, the Yankees are out -- but instead of talking about Cleveland, the Colorado Rockies, all the sports talk is about whether Joe Torre will be fired from the Yankees. All anyone talks about is the Yankees.”

“They’re not even in the World Series why talk about them!” Annie said.

“Yes, they lost, but no one will talk about Cleveland and the Colorado Rockies, yet they are in the playoffs.” Bill thought it was snobbery, it is saying the Yankees matter, because they are hot stuff, they are New York, they are the New York Yankees, but the rest of the country doesn’t matter, it doesn’t matter that our teams are in. Annie found that interesting. The world of sports interests her a lot. It is an unknown world to her and an interesting world, and because it is Bill’s whole life she hears a lot about it.

And after that Bill must have run out of things to say briefly, because the next thing she knew, she was thinking about the movie she had seen the night before, and part of in the afternoon, it was Tom Cruise movie called “The Firm” and Gene Hackman was in it, and she was thinking about Gene Hackman, sort of watching him in her mind, and the next thing she knew she must have started to fall asleep, because when Bill said "don’t you have anything to say?" she realized he had woken her up from starting to fall asleep.

She knew something was very off if she had started to fall asleep in the middle of dinner table conversation, nothing like that had ever happened in her whole life, she had nodded off. She didn’t want Bill to have clue to what was going on, so she responded to everything else he said with a lot of laughing. He was talking about Beanie, and it was funny, very funny what he was saying, and she wanted him to think she was really there, instead of in the nowhere land where she was at. She just wanted him to be reassured and happy, so she could go back to dealing with her nowhereland and variety of peculiarnesses taking place.

He was still making jokes about Beanie and she was still laughing as he went in to wash up to get in bed to listen to the Art Bell Show, and she got into bed, to face her mind again. Altho she was much more relaxed. Whatever had gone on during supper helped her a lot. She really did need to hear Bill talking happily about all the things which interested him. She had to be taken out of herself.

The discomfort flared up and off, but the mind goes thru a lot of processes when it has reached its limit and won’t stand for it another minute. Switching off the switch box is only part of it. It also takes a stand. “This has gone on long enough and it's over.” It asserts authority. Backbone enters the picture. Instead of cringing at twinges of discomfort or reacting with desperation, the desperation is finished. The mind has put its foot down. “The nonsense must stop now!” It is a complete reversal in attitude towards the discomfort. That’s really what happened. The mind separated itself from it. Whether it does it or doesn’t do it, becomes a matter of indifference. The mind no longer cares. It will have to get along on its own now. The mind had withdrawn all support from it. It lost its enthralled audience.