Credit card

Spring Equinox Today!

Communicated from my Higher Self

Early morning, Thursday, March 20, 2007, Spring equinox

Bill is in the shower now, 2 hours earlier than his usual time, because he made 8 AM appointment with his mechanic to bring car in for oil change etc, because Bill then plans to bring the car to emissions test. It means everyone's routines for today will change. Bill is up a lot earlier than he usually is, or at least starting his official day much earlier. It means he won't walk Beanie. It means Beanie and Lulu will not sit in sunshine with him in front yard as he draws. Annie will go with him to emissions test, because afterwards they will go to their swim pool. But Annie is very reluctant to write out the check for car registration at the emissions test office, because yesterday she wrote out big check to credit card which took every cent she has in bank account, plus the whole $800 overdraft protection. She has 100 dollars in cash in her purse, so she will pay for test in cash, but how can she use cash when she has to write out check to motor vehicles for car registration.

Her plan at this time is to lie to Bill. To tell him she forgot her checkbook and will do it when she gets home. And then put it off till her birthday check arrives from her mom in April and just pay the late fee. Which might be the best idea.

Yes there have been a few minor stresses over the past week. Bill realized Annie had made an error in her disclosure statement to prosecuting attorney and because they had both sworn to its truth to court clerk, he wanted her to correct it. There is no logical reason why they had to do the whole thing over but that is how it turned out. She wrote up an addendum explaining the two errors, then redid the whole thing, then they went to xerox store, court, had it sworn to, and post office to mail off. They managed to make high drama with attendant tension about this, including screaming at each other in car on way to xerox store, but it was like fast moving squalls. They did it all in one day, and on the way home, they even managed to giggle about it. "The prosecuting attorney will have a nightmare" Bill said, "getting this whole package again." And Annie giggled too. "He will" she said. It was the first time they felt they had turned the tables on the bill collector attorney, and it felt so good. He had made their life a nightmare for so long, it never crossed her mind they could do it to him.

When that was out of the way and they calmed down from that, she opened the letter from the State saying it was time to renew application for health care from the State. They had given it to her last year when Bill went to the hospital for 2 days and was charged $30,000. Annie was up half the night worrying about the re-application. But when she finally mentioned it to Bill, he said "I don't want it." By that time she was so distracted by having opened up her credit card bill, and realizing there was no way she could pay it, and being shocked at the exorbitant interest they had charged her the previous month when she was 100 dollars short. But when she told Bill her plan to use every penny they have, plus the 800 the bank will give for $25 payment, Bill said no! it will make him too anxious, he'd rather pay the exorbitant interest.

So she has spent the past 5 days with this swarming in her mind. Yesterday, the deadline, she finally mailed off check to credit card with most but not all, borrowing the 800 from bank, and nearly all her bank account, but she left a few dollars in it, to assuage Bill's anxiety. And yes it will be a suspenseful few weeks till her birthday check arrives.

She has not done anything about the health insurance. I guess that will be thought thru later. Altho the deadline is in one week.

So it has been two weeks of petty annoyances. Altho she did not make mountains out of these molehills, she recognized them as what they were, small annoyances. Because some of her friends are having big problems during this time of so much change. Her friend Jim had the dental appointment from hell, plus the gov stopped his mom's check when she went to Heaven, Jim is so desperate about money he has mentioned suicide 3 times. And when Annie talked to Sally on the phone, she found out Peggy's husband is having health problems, and when Maria called on Sunday to ask for a phone number Maria said Peggy is having health problems too. And Maria said she is recovering from her own root canal which laid her low for a whole month. Hearing all this, Annie's pimple from hell which lasted two months and took up her whole left cheek, court mishegoss, and running out of dough, are crystal clear for what they are. It does all boil down to one big red unattractive pimple in her life, nothing worse than that. Her heart goes out to Jim, who had major dental surgery which put him in pain for 2 days, and has no idea where when or how money will ever come to him. And to Peggy and Ted, who are having surgery on their esophagus and don't know when they will ever be able to eat again.

In the wider scheme of things she knows this time is all about the big push to spirituality. And both Peggy and Ted have been absolutely hard and adamant against any kind of spiritual thinking. And she knows her own life had to collapse before she was willing to open her mind to it, and perhaps this is what Peggy and Ted are going thru now. It seems to Annie like a cruel and awful way to push them into it, "they must be living in hell now" she thinks. But she lived in hell a lot, and for long time, to push her into it, and she has no regrets now. She thinks it was worth it for what she got. And maybe she will be less horrified and dismayed and overwhelmed with heart for both Peggy and Ted, if she realizes their hell now isn't even as bad as what she went thru. And they will come out of this and be completely restored, if they are willing to make the big breakthrus, the whole purpose of this is to bring. The choice is theirs.

And even for Jim who she dotes on with all her heart, she loves that guy with all her heart, he is perfect in her eyes, the fact remains when she even mentions God or prayer or spirituality as a way to help in some of the stress he is having now, he cuts her right off, and says he is doing drugs instead. If drugs help, great, but all the drugs in the world can't replace what God can give Jim if he were only willing to ask.

When he mentioned suicide for the 3rd time (2 days ago) she said "Jim, all you need is a miracle, and I took 'A Course In Miracles,' leave it in my hands." And he said "OK, I will, finally I can take my nap and sleep like a baby instead of having nightmares."

I don't think Jim can be moved past that point. And all I can do is reassure Annie that yes I can deliver miracles to Jim. Altho she has no idea how.

Jim saved Annie many times in her darkest hour of need, there is nothing she will not do to help him.

All my love, Annie's Higher Self

post script, Bill is back home, the mechanic said his tires are shot, and it is too dangerous to drive to emissions with them. He is putting on 4 brand new tires. Bill said "I hope your credit card is still good, I put it on that." "It is!" she crowed, "it is everything else which is no good." LOL it will cost a mint for brand new tires for that old heavy 2nd hand car, but Annie responded with glee. "It is your Easter present, and thank God for my credit card."

an evening post script

When it was time for the car to be ready with its new tires put on, Annie called to find out if car was ready, because she wanted to be able to get to swim pool in time. She knew when Mark did not say "yes it is ready," or "it will be a while," but instead said "wait Tim wants to talk to you," that it meant something was wrong with car. And when Tim got on phone and said "I was just going to call you, there is something I want to explain," she said "wait, let me get Bill." And so she was not surprised when she heard Bill get serious, and say "and how much will that cost" and "wait let me ask my wife." LOL it was the brakes, they were just about to go out, and new brakes are needed. Even before she asked how much, she knew she would just say yes. "How much?" she asked? "700" Bill said. "Sure" she said. "I'd rather pay 700 for brakes than to that bill collector." What is odd, is that instead of feeling "ouch!" about $700, she was just happy that if car needed new brakes they were getting new brakes. It was the first time she had no thought or feeling about money, just gladness about the excellent service. Whether it will continue, I don't know. But for the first time, the money was not real to her, and the great thing she was getting was real. She felt happy in every way. She was pleased as punch. It was a taste of liberation. Whether money will go back to being her slavemaster, I don't know. But on the first day of the Vernal Equinox, it's lovely that she got socked with a lot of car repair bills, and didn't see it that way at all. She just felt happy and privileged that her car was being so well taken care of..